DINOSAUR
by grimmjow'svitaminwater
Summary: CRACK. When three young arrancar girls think it's safe to be three young arrancar girls, they're world is turned upside down when Barragen begins to hit on them. Freak. OC crack-ish-ness. Enjoy. Inspired by Ke ha's DINOSAUR.


A/N: And for those of you that DON'T know, Baraggan is a creeper. Yes, yes, we all think he is the innocent old man in the corner who thinks of french fried pertaters, but no. He's really a creepy old man. With Sehanort's fake southern accent. You have warned you severally.

Warning: Ke$ha and old man. Be prepared, as Aizen would say.

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D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R

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"God, Aizen couldn't have made that meeting any longer..." Kitsune mumbled with thick sarcasm, plopping herself down upon the plain white couch in the fifth tower of Las Noches. Two arrancar of nearly the same age followed suit, both looking as exhausted as the blonde. Casually, the brunette lifted her feet off the tiles and placed them on the table in front of the couch, crossing them and placing her hands behind her head, letting out a sigh.

"You're telling me. I think I have it memorized...ugh! Get it out of my head!" Machi moaned, clutching her head in frustration. Grabbing a pillow, the dark haired girl next to her slammed the fluffy object into the jaw of Machi.

"Shush! And shush now! I command it!" With a face of seriousness and the voice of a four-year-old, Chika retreated with the pillow in tact. Machi rubbed her face and muttered a few choice swears, glaring at the arrancar next to her.

"Play nicely! Wouldn't wanna damage Luppi's favorite pretty face," Kitty teased, poking the older Espada in the arm repeatedly, recieveing a kick in the shin, "Oooh, vicious. I like that," Machi rolled her eyes, placing two fingers to each temple, and began to rub vigoriously.

"You both are making my head want to explode..." She grumbled, recieving two smirks in return.

"Sorry, Machi-chan," Chika made an innocent face as if making up for the fact she had assulted her best friend with a pillow.

"Meh. Sorry you're sucha wuss," The blonde placed her head of messy, short, blonde hair on the older arrancar's shoulder.

None of the girls knew that from a far, Barragen Luisenbarn, the second Espada, was watching them closely, eyeing each one with immense concentration.

. . . . .

The three arrancar had fallen asleep after a matter of minutes of taunting and girlish laughter. Kitty lay with her head still resting upon Machi's shoulder, and Chika with her head rested on Machi's thigh, seeming like a group of kittens gathered around the mother. The first to wake was Chika, her dark hair falling around her face in a sloppy manner. She was still half asleep when she saw Barragen's large figure standing in the shadows. Heavy eyes widened, she began to shake the brunette next to her.

"Machi! Mach! Kitty! Wake up you guys!" In a whisper shout voice, she begged the two arrancar to wake. Machi groggily woke, rubbing her eyes.

"Chika, take a chill pill! What is so freaking important?" Her voice was low and still filled with sleep. Although, she could see the panic on her friend's face.

"U-uh...I-I think...I think Barragen is...is _watching_ us!" Looking back towards the shadows, the figure still stood, looking very similar to that of Barragen. Machi's emerald green eyes popped open, and she began to wake the blonde on her shoulder.

"Kittttssssuuunnnnneeee! (-In a none DBZ style voice-) Wake your skinny ass up!" Whining in her sleep, the blonde refused to wake.

"Go away, Grimmjow. I'll get up later," The childish voice muttered. Both girl looked at one another, their faces suddenly pained with new, unwanted thoughts...

"I'm not your freakish blue-haired man toy! Get. Up!" Machi abruptedly pushed the smaller girl onto the floor, causing a high pitched yelp to escape from her mouth.

"What in the name of Aizen was that for?" Kitsune squeeled from the floor.

"You're doing so well, and I HATE YOU SO MUCH. Now, get up and keep it down! Me thinks we've gots ourselves a stalker," In dazed confusion, Kitty looked into the hallway, only to see shadows and a figure hiding in them. Staring. (It's creepy.)

"Holy shit!" Jumping up uncharacteristically, the blonde clutched onto Chika, holding her arm as if it was going to make the shadowy figure disappear.

"Yal girlies don't need ta be afraid...I ain't gonna do ya no harm..." The voice was dripping with a fake southern accent and utter creepiness. The girls continued to hold one another as you would see in terribly made horror film.

"Why do you sound like that?" Chika asked in a fearful voice. Barragen cleared his throat in that really creepy, mucus-y way that makes you shudder and go "Eeewwwwww."

"There ain't no time fer yer trivial questerins. Now, let's get dowrn to busyness," Barragen emerged from the shadows, a mop in one hand and a bucket of water next to him. He began to wash the floors as he went, looking straight ahead at the young girls.

"What's with the janitor equipment?" Machi pointed to the grotesquely old mop and bucket.

"When I mop the floors...I think about french fried pertaters," (-In the distance, Yammy's termater senses began to tingle-).

"That's attractive..." The blonde muttered under her breath. Barragen directed his attention to Kitty.

"Hmm? Ya think so? Cuz I sure do think yal girlies is real pretty yur selves," Closing in on the horrified girls, Barragan put down his mop and kneeled down in front of the couch.

"I may not be a genie, but I sure can make yur dreams come true," All three girls scruntched up their faces at the lame pick-up line.

"Dude, your a fucking FOSSIL," Machi said pointedly, taking notice to the fact Barragen was ignoring her comments completely.

"Is yur top felt?" Barragen directed his words to Chika, who looked at him dumbfounded.

"Ummm...no?"

"Wood ya like it ta be?" Bright blue eyes grew wide, and a wave a sickness came over her.

"EW! FREAK! Go back to the nursing home, you freak of nature!" Chika cried out in disgust. Of course, this was in one ear and out the other for the old man.

"Do ya know karate, cuz yur body is really kickin'," Kitty blinked, purely puzzled by Barragen's advances.

"Sir, I sincerely think you need a CAT scan," She replied, watching the disappointed look on his face grow.

"Yal girlies have been bad. Go to mah room, now, ya hear?" All three girls went pale, (-paler than Ulquiorra. Yeah. For real. Insane, right?-) feeling completely violated and sickened.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Five male voices shouted from the infamous shadows of the hall. Yammy, Grimmjow, Luppi, Nnoitra, and Gin all appeared with their crazy hair and spoons and mask parts, ect.

"Darn! Foiled agin' by yal pesky Espada! ...and Gin," Barragen spat, glaring (-or still just squinting really creepily like he does-).

"What the heeell was ya doin, motha fucker shit damn!" Yammy questioned, coming up behind the couch where Chika sat.

"Yammy, seriously, knock it off,"

"Awww, but I wanna-"

"Do you NEED me to smack a bitch? ...? Do you?"

"...no..."

"You might wanna get out of here before I personally show you out," Grimmjow warned rather threateningly, grabbing Kitty by the arm and pulling her up from the couch into his chest.

"Yeah...because if you don't...I'll, uh...I'll punch you or something...and it won't be pretty either!" Luppi pipped up, trying to be tough once more, but came across as a bit of a bitch. Machi shook her head and sighed, secretly loving her little boy/man trainwreck.

"MEH HEH!" Nnoitra called out angrily, pushing Luppi aside. And...that's all he had to say about that.

Chika looked over at Gin who stood, smiling (-and being absolutely ADORABLE-) and watching the scene unfold.

"Ummm...even though I could really go for some mind soap right now...why is Gin here again?" Gin's ears perked up at the mention of his name.

"Hmm? Oh, me? I just came ta watch,"

"...why?" Gin looked down sadly, his hair hiding his face.

"...I'm lonely," Suddenly, Kitty's eyes teared up chibi-style and she ran over to embrace Gin and his pure cuteness. Which, in turn, caused Grimmjow to hand stab a wall and scream 'I don't need a damn door!' before leaving.

"Well...I'm just going to go now. And shower until my skin comes off. Goodnight," Machi, in the most cavalier way, pushed off the couch and headed for her room, Nnoitra and Luppi tailing behind like lost puppies. Who got locked out.

Then, Yammy turned into Howl (-who looks like half the worlds population of birds-) and flew Chika off into a crazy-ass field of flowers.

And Barragen died of heart failure.

Yay.


End file.
